Defiling the Marriage Bed Part B
/We need to guard our hearts, because out of our hearts flows our lives. Whatever you focus on long enough, you will desire. If care is not taken in the above situation, it could lead to the husband seeking out "real life" women similar to those he watches on the "adult sites." Most adult sites feature a specific and generally unattainable style of beauty, which can create unrealistic expectations for the viewers’ wives, especially after they’ve carried a few children in their wombs. Eventually, many pornography viewers will stray when just watching no longer suffices. If you window shop long enough, you will end up buying things that you don't need.
This man was out of control, and they needed prompt intervention. No one is infallible, so she needed to be careful as she approached others for help. I mentioned that a member of clergy could be helpful, and that certain counselors are trained in this disorder. I added that I had treated some clergy members with this same disorder, and that being clergy did not make them immune to this disorder, as none is above temptation.
If you are facing a similar situation, here are some other helpful tips:
- If you need to spice up your marriage bed, first rest, unplug, and make sure there are no medical or psychological issues causing intimacy fatigue. High blood pressure, diabetes, alcoholism, sleep apnea, depression, anxiety, weight gain, medication side effects, low testosterone, andropause, and menopause can all make sex more challenging.
- Seek medical or psychological help if needed. A woman who has been raped or traumatized in the past might have issues with intimacy.
- Do not batter each other for intimacy or withhold intimacy to punish each other.
- Changing the time of intimacy to when both parties are well-rested can do wonders for improving the quality.
- A short getaway without the children can rekindle an exhausted intimate relationship.
- Flirting with your spouse throughout the day can create anticipatory excitement.
- As with all other addictions, pornography addiction steals your desires and creates obsessions that eventually change the circuits of the brain.
- Communication is of utmost importance. Talk about your needs between the sheets in a sensitive manner rather than an accusatory one. Help each other know and uncover what works and what doesn't. It takes two to tango!
- Engage other senses. Exciting new textures and scents can aid intimacy.
- Ensure the safety of vulnerable ones such as children, household employees, and house guests.
- Too many times, sexual addiction and alcoholism go hand in hand. This is a lethal combination because alcoholism disinhibits. When people drink, they say and do things that they normally would not do.
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (KJV)
If you tolerate pornography in your marriage, you are indirectly inviting a third party into you bed. Do not undermine the power of imagination. Every single action starts with an imagination, and eventually someone will want the real thing. Even advertisers know that, so be wise!
"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Matthew 5:28 (KJV)
We all know that as a man thinks, so is he! Be aware this issue is higher than most people know. But there is help available, both from God and fellow humans.
May the Lord keep us from temptations and deliver us from evil. Pray for each other. Three is a crowd; the marriage bed was made for only two!