Men are Victims of Domestic Abuse Too!
/Sounds absurd?
Men are victims too, not only have I worked with male victims of domestic violence, I have witnessed them being abused too. Ironically, they hardly ever seek help or tell anyone. The nature of domestic violence varies, some are physical, some emotional and others financial. One in four men are victims of domestic violence.
Here are some things to consider in male victims.
1- There is a stigma associated with men being perceived as weak; so, most men will rather suffer in silence than let the whole world know that they are victims of domestic violence. Those that I have treated in the past, never reported they were victims of abuse, instead they presented with other symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, insomnia, alcoholism or stress. As a psychiatrist, I had to be highly sensitive and tactfully uncover that they were victims of domestic abuse, which they reluctantly admitted to, let alone talk about.
Men are victims worldwide.
2- In the western world, the law is on the side of the woman in most instances of domestic violence, as they are assumed to be weaker than men, the men are typically arrested once the police officers arrive on the scene, hence a few women abuse that privilege. I once witnessed a couple in a heated argument in which the argument turned violent. The woman slapped the man across his face, and proceeded to throw her shoes at him, asking him to dare hit her back. When the man tried to leave, she blocked the door with her body, he eventually escaped through the back door, he refused to hit as she had requested. This woman was small in stature, and the man was huge. After he left, I proceeded to talk some sense into her head, I was concerned that she could have been seriously hurt, if he had decided to defend himself by hitting her back. She told me that she knew he wouldn’t because if he hit her back in self-defense, she would have called the police and lied that he attacked her first and he would have spent the night in jail.
3- In certain instances, some men stay because “it is cheaper to keep her”. Some women are aware of the sensitivity of their husband’s job. There are certain professional jobs you can not apply to or hold, if you have ever been arrested. Some people are mandated to report any new legal issue on their job, which could lead to immediate termination of their employment. I recall a couple whose husband stayed, in spite of ongoing emotional abuse from the wife. The wife had an affair and he caught her red handed. Instead of her ending the affair, she continued. He was frustrated and stressed out about it. He told me that it was “cheaper to keep” her, because she would destroy him professionally and financially if he tried to leave her, and she would take him to the “cleaners” and get everything he had amassed through years of hard work. He said his father in law, the wife’s dad, was a prominent divorce attorney. He witnessed the wife’s sister destroy her ex-husband with the help of their father by taking away everything, including the kids from her husband in a divorce.
4- In certain marriages, where the man is an immigrant, women abuse them because they know that if they have any legal issues, it could potentially affect their ability to get immigration papers.
5- Some men choose to keep silent about their abusive partners because they want to continue to see their kids, as women are more likely to get the children in divorce proceedings.
6- Some men are just not aware that they are being abused and have learnt to ignore the woman, this occurs mostly in cases of verbal abuse.
7- Under the influence of alcohol, illicit drugs or medication such as steroids; under certain physiological conditions such as, certainmental disorders, premenstrual or hyperthyroidism; some women become more irritable and angry and are not quite the weaker vessel.
This is a worldwide problem, it is not just a western world problem because of women’s rights! Next time you hear about abuse do not just assume it is the man’s fault, one in four men are victims too. Ask question never assume!!!
Examples of male victims of domestic violence worldwide.
Overview
In China https://youtu.be/ZvkcSztROEU
In India https://youtu.be/rMLdNlPr60E
In Jamaica 1 https://youtu.be/xmXfvG70pAs
In Jamaica 2 https://youtu.be/V4et8nEZB_w
In Africa https://youtu.be/qNJ1eWSH5xo
Nigerian Victims
https://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2017/09/05/incredible-wives-batter-55-husbands-in-lagos/
Dr Mobolaji Oyebanjo Popoola