Understanding the Victim Part A
/What is the likelihood that someone in your inner circle is being abused? In a gathering of any 10 women, at least 3 are likely being abused, while in a gathering of 10 men, at least 2 men are likely being abused. Can you believe that? Next time you gather in a group think beyond the façade, and just imagine how many are victims of abuse. When you go to the grocery store next time, or sit down in church, or take a walk in your neighborhood, or wait in line at your kids’ school, think behind the façade for a minute. How many of these people you interact with daily are victims of domestic violence? And these statistics only cover abuse that happens in the USA; just imagine what is happening in the developing world were victims have little or no legal recourse!
Here is an excerpt from the website of the Nation Coalition of Domestic Violence:
DID YOU KNOW?
• In the United States, 20 people are physically abused by intimate partners every minute on average. This equates to more than 10 million abuse victims annually.
• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been physically abused by an intimate partner.
• 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been severely physically abused by an intimate partner.
• 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked. Stalking causes the target to fear she/he or someone close to her/him will be harmed or killed.
• On a typical day, domestic violence hotlines nationwide receive approximately 20,800 calls.
• The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.
• Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime.
• Intimate partner violence is most common among women between the ages of 18-24.
• 19% of intimate partner violence involves a weapon.
• Please follow the link below for more details:
http://ncadv.org/images/Domestic%20Violence.pdf
It is not uncommon to see a patient after a domestic violence attack, to nurse them back to health, only for them to drop out of treatment or miss an appointment because they made up with their abuser. Often, they’ve received a reconciliatory gift of a new car, expensive jewelry, or a trip to an exotic location. These gifts typically make things right for many victims. I also recall friends who are victims of domestic violence announcing pregnancies shortly after an episode. Yes, the human mind is indeed complex! How can you ever make sense of something like this?
Over the years, I have heard extremely disturbing cases of abuse, including women who were locked up in a room naked for days without food, women who were driven out of their homes naked, women who were forced into drugs, bestiality, or group sex. I’ve heard of women threatening to destroy a man's career if he reported abuse and abusive women feigning injuries to get their male victims locked up. Yet many of these victims do not leave the abuser. I have even heard men say, “You know, as crazy as she is, she will take me to the cleaners and take everything I have, so it is actually ‘cheaper to keep her.’”
I have also learned that the episodic abuse is different from the relationship as a whole; this fact is useful and helps one understand why the victims struggle to leave! To the observer, the abuser is this horrible person who only beats up the partner. To the victim, the abuser fulfills many roles in their lives. The roles and responsibilities may include spouse, parent to their kids, best friend, support system, financial partner, anchor, breadwinner, provider, spiritual leader, or head of the house who must be obeyed. If the victim tries to leave, they could face severe social, cultural, financial, and spiritual backlash—to name just a few types.